When Kate's Baby Almost Died: An Interview
I want to introduce you, if you don’t know her already, to my beautiful friend Kate and her little peanut butter sandwich, Alden.
Kate’s story starts out with little Alden being born at home last winter with the help of a midwife. This is Kate’s 3rd baby and the birth went smoothly. Alden seemed healthy and happy and there was no reason to think anything was wrong. Little did they know the tornado of craziness that was about to hit them.
I sent Kate a few questions over email asking her to share about Alden’s sickness and about mom-life in general.
Here’s what she wrote back to me:
What happened to baby Alden shortly after he was born? Describe what you went through the first few days he was in the hospital.
About 2 hours after Alden was born at home, my mom-senses started pinging and something didn’t feel right. Soon after he began showing signs of what I now know was respiratory distress. We were advised to take him to the hospital.
We got there quickly but he had coughed up blood and was blue. The receptionist took one look at him and ordered us to pass him over the desk. Within minutes he was sedated and intubated and awaiting a ventilator.
Maybe it was a prideful attitude or being steeped in a cocktail of post-birth hormones (or both) but I was not really registering the weight of the situation. I heard the words “acute respiratory failure” but my mind was telling me “he will be fine.”
They moved him to a large private room in the NICU to investigate the cause. Richard [Kate’s husband] and I sat on a small couch shoved in the corner lifting our feet every few seconds to avoid getting run over by countless equipment carts and staff. It got to the point there was so much in the room we couldn’t even see him, just the monitor showing his vitals. After a couple hours, despite all they were doing, his numbers began to drop. Things started frantically beeping, the energy of the doctors began to change.
Richard and I glanced at each other and both shared the same thought “he’s going to die.”
And in that instant my nonchalant attitude disappeared and I cried. Hard. It was surreal to have this thought and be convinced of it.
Thankfully Alden pulled out of it with the help of some quickly administered medication and stabilized soon after. Over the next week he was diagnosed with congenital pneumonia of unknown cause, treated accordingly and responded well. Despite the good results, Richard and I were arguing a ton about some aspects of his care. It was exhausting and revealing of our relationship then and for the months to follow. Over the next 2 months at home Alden continued to have breathing issues and was eventually diagnosed with innominate artery compression and an injury from the intubation. After another hospital stay and surgery [for the intubation injury], it seems as though the worst is over. He’s 9 months old now.
Have you noticed a change in your life, heart or attitude that directly relates to what you went through with Alden?
I feel like what happened to Alden was God sending me a huge wake up call. I needed an attitude adjustment when it came to appreciating my kids and unfortunately it took nearly losing one for me to get it. I love all 3 of my kids but being a mother has never felt like my calling and with each kid the more I struggled to accept it. I have wrestled with depression since Walter was born and when I found out I was pregnant with Alden I cried the whole day. I knew I would come to love him once the shock wore off but I still felt as though it was truly life ruining information. Talk about a control problem. Clearly I was not putting my trust in the Lord and His timing.
Being in a situation where I was certain, even if only for a moment, that my baby was going to die was a defining and eye opening event. It revealed my warped perspective, false sense of control, and entitlement toward my kids. I was humbled. God used this trauma to reveal the error of my perspective and replace it with truth.
He allowed Alden to survive, God is merciful. That was enough for me, but there’s more.
When the bills started coming in I was fully expecting a miserable fight with insurance and a lifetime of debt. A few months later and barely any effort on my part, insurance had agreed to pay nearly all of it and financial aid covered even more. My portion of the bill? A whopping $13.42. Basically anyone who has had any experience with the American healthcare system knows this is unheard of. God is faithful.
Richard and I were still majorly struggling to trust each other after our disagreements at the hospital. Tensions were high at home for several months following and we were slowly and painfully working through it. Not long ago a member of our church who works at the hospital shared that he was involved in conducting a study about the efficacy of the exact medical treatment we had been fighting about, the very thing that kicked all of this tension off. He told us he had been assigned Alden’s case out of thousands to review. What are the odds??
He assured us Alden’s treatment was exactly what it should have been, no more, no less. Needless to say this was no coincidence. We were stunned. It was a turning point in our healing. We had both been validated, we both had closure. The finger pointing and doubt was dissolved. God’s love is unfailing.
I still have days where I’m extremely frustrated by my kids and even the state of my life in general, but through this experience I’ve learned to check myself and reframe more frequently. I’m able to be more grateful and patient. I’m not perfect whatsoever, but I certainly apply this new appreciation for my kids and the character of God to more situations now.
What’s your biggest struggle as a mother (aside from Alden’s near touch with death)?
Monotony. The endless amount of correction, explanation, and training that goes on day after day. I find it exhausting. Not to mention cooking & cleaning etc. It can feel very unfulfilling when nothing you do stays done or is able to be completely finished. It doesn’t take long for me to tire of this cycle and struggle to address the kids calmly.
List your 5 favorite things
Staying up late/going out at night
City life
Unlimited creative time
One on one time with Richard or one of the boys
Why can’t I think of a fifth one?
How do you cope with the stress of being a stay-at-home-mom?
I like to go to new places, even with the kids. Variety is the spice of life as they say. Whenever I get particularly stressed or feel like I’m trapped by the routine I know it’s time to get out of the house and explore the city. I guess I’m an escapist. But sometimes the only option is to grit your teeth and bear it, praying for God’s grace and peace the whole way through.
What would you like to do once the kids get old enough that you have the time to do other things?
I’d love to find a warehouse space with big windows and convert it into a live-in studio. Get back into oil painting/art making more seriously. Study and master something art related. Get better at playing drums. Travel.
* * *
Alden ended up being in the hospital for only a week, which shocked the doctors as they were expecting him to be there longer. But he really struggled at home and the doctors couldn’t figure out why until they discovered a polyp that had formed in his trachea because of his intubation.
Kate said about the surgery:
“No one knew at first but he was born with an artery crossing over his trachea which compressed it. So when they stuck a tube down a partially compressed trachea, it pinched the side and caused a polyp to form. Between the artery compression and the polyp, his windpipe was 90% blocked for TWO WHOLE MONTHS. He should be dead, twice over.”
I love Kate’s story because not only did Alden miraculously survive, but Kate was given a whole new view of her life through the trauma she went through.
God is good and the suffering we go through is never, ever wasted.
I wonder what God has in store for Alden as he grows… I wonder what God will do through Kate’s new lease on motherhood….
“…suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
This post originally published through Cas’s newsletter, + the sanitarium +